I checked into jail on foursquare
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
