New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
