we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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