she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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