there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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