I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
