and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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