There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize