No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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