Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
