we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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