I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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