Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
