I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
