I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
