I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
