I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
