i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
