I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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