Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
