Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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