Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
no, he came in my armpit
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
