I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.