just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs