I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.