I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
high people should be assigned attendants
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!