wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
