Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
