my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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