I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
