my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just pee around me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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