Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
