I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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