just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
