Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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