Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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