just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
