just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
