I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
