I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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