just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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