Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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