theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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