spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
