I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
