xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
