just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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