I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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