They should really pass out barf bags in church
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
