I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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