I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
