If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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