New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
