it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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