My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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