It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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