evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
