Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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