Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
