why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
