remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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