i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
