oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So vagazzling was a success
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
