I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
