just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
