Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
