I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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