I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize