I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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