They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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