You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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