No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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